Mama, the rhinestones are falling one by one
Because I always put the crown on my head
When you and Papa are sleeping. Imagine:
A fairy at the center stands with her wand
...
Once more, I have set foot
On this promised land
Where dark is right
And silence is the source
...
Dong Xian had dreamt
Of this day many, many times:
When he stepped
Out of the emperor’s chamber,
...
Between the terrible ease
Of promise and the flowering
Of regret, I must lay myself bare:
...
Ronald Baytan holds a Ph.D. in English Studies (Creative Writing) from the University of the Philippines. He obtained his MA in Language and Literature, with High Distinction, from De La Salle University-Manila in 1996. He is currently the Chair of the Department of Literature of De La Salle University-Manila where he teaches creative writing, Philippine literature, gay/lesbian literature and world literature; and holds the Charles Lui Chi Keung Professorial Chair of China Studies. He co-edited Bongga Ka ‘Day: Pinoy Gay Quotes to Live By (Milflores Publishing) with J. Neil C. Garcia and Ralph Semino Galan. He is currently working on The Queen Lives Alone: the Orient: Personal Essays and The Queen Sings the Blues: Poetry 1992-2002. He is a member of the ALON Collective.)
Queen
Mama, the rhinestones are falling one by one
Because I always put the crown on my head
When you and Papa are sleeping. Imagine:
A fairy at the center stands with her wand
That stirs glowing waves of magic like sea
Shells in the dark. The crown is divine.
Mama, the gown I wore that night is fading
In the closet, unwashed black velvet exuding
Beauty irretrievably gone. It’s a backless
Sleeveless tube with big slits on the side,
Silver sequins on the padded bosoms, and white
Gloves for the spectacular beauty that I am.
Mama, my shoe size is ten, and the pair I bought
Is plain, pure black, four-inch heels like ice cream
Cones, enough to make me feel like Diana.
When they stab the marble floor, I hear
The clicking of light, regal steps from a castle far,
Far away. One night, the queen knew.
Mama, my sash is kept in a hidden drawer
Where secrets abound as beautiful boys thriving
On paper. It is white, laced with gold strips
On the side and reads: Miss Gay Universe 1995.
They all loved that beauty, your son, when he
Walked. No doubt, the ribbon was made for my hips.
Mama, as you sleep in the other room, I am
Sushmita, head up, teeth white, lips red and wide,
Hands touching hips, foamy bosom out, tummy
Tucked. In my mind, Mama, I am holding a fresh bouquet,
Waving to a feverish crowd, and you are there crying
Because it’s your son’s farewell walk as queen.