Sunday, March 12, 2023

You're Appreciated Comments

Rating: 4.0

I was a burden to you before I saw,
Nine months down the line you've ripped what you sow and you've let me grow
You were so patient with me even though I was hard to raise
You're were like garden boy cause you've cutted all the toxic plants that were about grow in me
...
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Yoyama Magwashu
COMMENTS
Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

I like the Poet's Notes and the English grammar in it is MUCH BETTER than the grammar in the poem. I wonder why(?) . I also say that the last lines of the Notes do NOT apply to ALL people! : ) bri

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

After the 5th line, I would skip a line to form two stanzas, for emphasize the group of your last 4 lines and make the poem more poem-like. : ) I give 4 stars.

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

line 4: 'cutted'? I've never? heard a word 'cutted'. I'd use 'cut'. There are a couple of more-minor changes I'd make.

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

line 9: I'd use 'in fact', not 'infact'. Maybe in U.K., and some other places outside my country (U.S) , people use 'infact'?

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

line 6, using 'loaned', IS a very nice expression of 'love' (I guess) for 'Mom'. line 8: 'a man' not 'a men'. Perhaps you are too used to praying 'Amen'?

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

line 6: IF I understand what you mean to say, I suggest using 'loaned' not 'borrowed'. They have opposite meanings. bri

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

(cont.) I don't see how 'ripped' could be what you meant to type. line 4: 'You're were' no! That's like typing 'you were were'. Right? Proofreading is important. bri : )

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Bri Edwards 28 June 2023

line 1: Why not use 'saw you' or 'could see', not just 'saw'? line 2: 'ripped what you sow' maybe: 'reaped what you've sown' or 'reaped what you sowed'? Knowing verb tenses aka 'different forms of verbs' is tough to do. I don't know some of the names of the tenses. : )

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