Your Time Comments
Silently, with awkward patience, leads the clock's metallic hand,
round and round, to all its stations, twelve in number, still and bland.
Take your eyes now off the action, tend your garden or your home
quickly slips another fraction, OFF, why not a metronome?
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There are several stumbling blocks in this piece. Your line 'quickly slips another fraction off', could be edited to read 'quickly slips off another fraction'. 'Oxygen flows in and fades', do you need the 'in'? I do not like the 'you' and 'your' in the last line...and believe that replacing 'you' with 'to', would read better. Ian
Beautiful piece I enjoyed that, easy on the eye thanks H top marks Chris
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8/2/2025 1:04:07 PM # 1.0.0
The omission of a comma before 'off' will be fixed. I know you mean well and appreciate your comment but there are no stumbling blocks in this poem. There would be were I to follow your suggestions. Best, H