Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Worth - Ii Comments

Rating: 5.0

Blown beliefs; Show the doorway
Shattered thoughts litter the floor
Lost confidence.
Motionless my pen drips on faded paper
...
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Nikunj Sharma
COMMENTS
Nikunj Sharma 29 October 2009

Final comment from Mr Ronal peat, who guided me continuously to improve this poem............ Nikunj Wow! I've created a monster poet. I wouldn't change a word in this poem. Hell you've done it, and in grand style. Every line is a whiplash of content, metaphor and intent along with form. Now write this kind of poem for at least a month or more then you'll be ready for end line rhyme and meter. I know you have slipped a few end line rhymes in but they work ok. The internal rhyme is grand as well. I can't believe how good you've become. One little thing here a misspelling on (center) on L4 unless they spell it differently there. (American English is (center) but it might be different where you live) . I don't know. a poet friend RH Peat

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bye bye... bye bye 19 September 2009

Very good pupil, I guess Ronald would say. I enjoy your journey, where you leave despair and humiliation behind, and now are heading 'the stone that creates the ripples'. Let your pen keep on planting kisses on words, Nikunj!

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Beautiful imagery. I loved 'motionless my pen drips on faded paper, words stagnant as leaves on lake'. Also, 'the pen's kiss on the the heart of paper' is just superb. I particularly like the whole poem Nikunj. 10 love Karin

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Saadat Tahir 18 August 2009

beutiful sharma... you v done a pretty piece....it comes dtsiaght from the heart and goes rt in to the other.....nothing can stop it very well chosen parameters....lovely to read and charmning to the wit.. cheers....ten i recall... No longer Circe could her flame disguise, But to the suppliant God marine, replies: When maids are coy, have manlier aims in view; Leave those that fly, but those that like, pursue. If love can be by kind compliance won; See, at your feet, the daughter of the Sun. Sooner, said Glaucus, shall the ash remove From mountains, and the swelling surges love; Or humble sea-weed to the hills repair; E'er I think any but my Scylla fair. Strait Circe reddens with a guilty shame, And vows revenge for her rejected flame. Fierce liking oft a spight as fierce creates; For love refus'd, without aversion, hates. To hurt her hapless rival she proceeds; And, by the fall of Scylla, Glaucus bleeds. by Ovid (20 March 43 BC – AD 17) Publius Ovidius Naso Book The Fourteenth Metamorphoses.

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Roshni D'Souza 17 August 2009

I'm afraid that if I add a description to this poem even with a comment, I might just take away from its completeness...will add to my faves! thanks, roshni.

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Catrina Heart 10 August 2009

We can't please everyone to our compositions...well have our own mind and free will to choose our likes as individuality goes this way to life. Criticism take it in a positive and constructive way making you more challenge to write new interesting and valuable themes...from their you'll grow and your wings will have more strength to fly on! ! !

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Christina Phan 09 August 2009

Touching poem and i enjoy it very much 10+++

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Deborah Cromer 05 August 2009

Readers who may feel lost, sometimes do seek direction from poems. It is good to be a guide to others. Writing helps you for reasons only you the writer knows, but writing to help readers offers the divine hand. :) DC

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Roman Petrov 04 August 2009

I like this poem, because it has a very special meaning...

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Rakesh Bedi 04 August 2009

Doing deeds is everyones duty without worrying of rewards; which essentially are in the Divine hands.

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Ejaz Khan 04 August 2009

A stream flows, sunrays rain on earth, wind blows and the metaphors can keep striking the mind without an end. Who do it for reward, why expectation, keep giving whatever you have to give, without hoping anything in return, all the givers are rewarded in this manner. Keep doing your thankless duty, where satisfaction is your reward!

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Anjali Sinha 04 August 2009

yep dear Nikunj i know you do all this for readers like us we enjoy them so dont you worry about adverse comments from people who dont like your poems, remember each has his own mind but the majority is for you this is a great write a tenner for you love anjali

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Nikunj Sharma

Nikunj Sharma

New Delhi
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