Women's Whims Comments

Crit4/ Women’s Whims You gave me wings, And I (couldn't) fly... -=-=- maintain the cadence in the lines. You gave me spring... (yet) I (lived in) winter... -=-=- the comparison makes a stronger metaphor. You gave me dream, (a dream or dreams) -=-=- grammar problem But (I have) stolen - -=-=- the poem is written in past tense/ maintain the verb tense throughout the complete poem. Sleeplessness... (my) Darling, -=-=- I suggest inverting the intent here for meaning. if you want the possessive to follow 'darling'; it should be 'darling of mine or Darling, mine' (it's) Your fault (X) — - -=-=- The order of words will help the understanding of the contextual flow. Go for strong direct language when presenting facts in a poem. it will make the context of the intent more poignant to the reader. Your(X) generosity... -=-=- grammar problem (generosity is yours) but it is (Your generosity) - Gave (X) me wing(s) ... -=-=- unneeded word that confuses. Again direct language will move the reader to the point of epiphany without becoming confused about what is being said. Commentary: Liberation is always a great subject for a poem. Finding one's way is always a struggle toward personal knowing. Choices are sometimes clouded by our whims and ego. An interesting complexity to the presentation by starting with a denial and then thanking the giver in the end. It makes for an interesting closure. Poems have 3 parts: 1. opening/ into to subject, intent and metaphor,2. turning point/ shift in intent or intro to new a idea & 3. closure/ combines opening and turning point into a new concept for epiphany. That the reader will be moved into their own concept of personal identity for a deeper understanding of themselves. The turning in the poem is on the word “fault; ” this is the shift in the poem. It moves from I can’t take what you offer toward: it is your fault for offer such things to me. The closing in the last to lines is really very strong. It offers the reader the reality of knowing that even beyond what is offered lies a reality of self identity that needs to be expressed in its own terms. Although it tends to present an egotistical concept of personal identity it is still very strong in the need that we all need to express ourselves from time to time. a poet friend RH Peat

Very eminent work...I like the title a lot....nice reading....thank you

You gave me wings, And I could not fly... You gave me spring... And I lived into winter... You gave me dream, But me has stolen - Sleeplessness... Darling my, what a sweet and lovely fantasy written with romantic way..yes love is like that when its fair..its really a sweet and lovely poem 10/10

It is a cute poem....well written

'Yours generosity, gave to me wing' Rachel Ann Butler

Hi Tsira, The whim of a woman, who can deny it? Only us men of course! lol Nice write, Frank.

You are welcome... Cheers. Subroto

in a spiritual line he gave us the right to choose...a very well written poem...a thought provoker

A poem with diverse meaning- spiritual also- Few word with deep idea-

Women's whims For men nightmares not a rosy dream. wondeful write

hmmmmm different perspective...............it has set a train of thoughts....thinking...good luck with your writing

You always had wings. he merely encouraged you to fly Womens whims are not meant to be understood by mere men.Our place is to love you unconditionally

I don't believe I have ever read a better and more revealing poem from a woman. What a poem! Rhyme or no rhyme. My favorites list. A 10. GW62

Woman's whims, confussing man since time began.. Andrew 10

On the wings of love you shall fly.10/10 regards Tom

a poem every woman can relate to thank you for sharing ma'am

A deceptively simple poem about ? what is the point of gifts that can't be used or will not be used an enigma in verse Very clever jim

too much freedom spoil a girl. good luck hope he can endure wonderful things it bring. thanks tsira. md what else you want here princess?

This poem reminds me of a song I used to sing to my children - The Riddle Song. It begins 'I gave my love a cherry that had no stone'. The first four lines of this poem are very good indeed - the remainder confuses me a little, though your theme of feminine discontent shines loud and clear. love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

This fine poem came out from the wing of love! ....10+