With Her Presence Comments

Erlc Ross I haven't been to a funeral in 30 years, peace through all eternity. 10 mins · Unlike · 1

Keshav Kumar likes this. Hasmukh Mehta welcome Just now · Unlike · 1

mournful and sincere but needs something more Keith Faherty16 minutes ago the emotions are real but the peice itself is suffering from cliche` format and phrasing. the rhyme scheme hurts the message as many of the rhyme couplets are too expectable and others, too forced and out of place. in general it is very hard to convey important, especially personal feeling emotion in a tight verse. try to loosen it up and use very unique and personal ways to express ideas that easily fall into phrases that are too convenient or overused. practice expressing even the smallest and simplest of ideas in a way that only you can- a way that you can feel no one has ever used the same expression before. Comment +1 Hasmukh MehtaLess than a minute ago that is beauty of poem...

a poem of always Alan Green 'Guppyman'2 minutes ago the poet tells of the power that is of thier chosen faith for a love everlasting

I stood motionless With sullen and worried face