Why Elton Only Dates Christians Poem by David Welch

You want to know who that guy is back there?
That's Elton Briggs, and I have to say,
hot as you think that man may be,
you would be better off staying away.

You see I know all about that man,
he used to go out with my best friend Kris,
until they had a nasty break-up,
and we all learned that he was a fascist.

Elton will only date Christian girls now,
and you won't believe the reason why,
it all began back in our sophomore year,
when everything seemed to be going fine…

See Elton and Kris were so much in love,
and I though that one day they would wed,
they finished each other's sentences,
then would spend most of their free-time in bed.

Elton was going to be a lawyer,
Kris was working to learn how to teach,
always they were in each other's arms,
it seemed the kind of love none could defeat.

But in their passion they had a slip-up,
and Kris looked upon those two little lines,
so she went out to take care of it,
since it had come at a very bad time.

And when she mentioned it four days later,
Elton erupted in a shouting scene,
they even called campus security,
you should've heard the way that mad-man screamed!

We thought Kris had found herself a winner,
but good lord did we all misread it,
he ranted and called her a "murderer, "
claimed that it also had been his kid.

Then raved that he should have talked to him,
as if he should have any say at all!
claimed the kid was, "Not part of your body, "
and that removing it, "wasn't our call."

The two broke up at that very moment,
I never talked to the man again,
but you won't believe the kind of nonsense
that I head he has said, from his friends.

They claim he wanted to raise it himself,
even would've offered to marry Kris,
claimed that he had no problem ‘steeping up, '
that his own parents had married like this!

As if we were back in the dark ages,
like a marriage would solve anything,
he probably still believes that two parents
are needed for a ‘proper' upbringing.

They say that even failing a marriage,
that he would have set up an adoption,
demanded that she ruin her body
just to birth an unwanted little one.

Asking Kris to put her life on hold,
there' a reason men have no say in this,
all because some ancient book told him to,
can you believe he would be so selfish? !

I head later on that after that day
he would only go out with Christian girls,
so if another mistake should happen
the child, "Will survive to see the world."

To think that he would refuse a woman
for wanting control of her own body,
it's a form of discrimination,
choosing girls who just want to have babies!

Claiming he wants an old-fashioned marriage,
and a wife for him to love and to care—
Hey! I told you the man's a fascist,
what are you doing? ! Don't go over there!