Where Were You? Poem by K J

What am I missing,
when I was alone not normal?
Did you do this to me?
How did I not see it coming,
the skipping of heartbeats the pulse racing,
the vivid dreams?
Not having you in my life became a fear.
It wasn't supposed to be so simple.
I wasn't supposed to let you in.
It wouldn't have mattered had I shoved you away.
You were in my soul before I had the chance to take a breath.
I can pretend you sought me out,
that you stole my being before I felt you.
Such a lie that would be,
only to lie to myself.
I can no more wish you weren't here than wish you were.
I need us. I don't care how or why,
I need us, want you to need us.
Tell me you will.