When My Dreams Say, ' We Are No More There' Comments

So will when its fruits begin to ripe I remain hungry and thirsty there..............if i were writing this [which i'm not, of course], i'd change it a bit: So will, when its fruits begin to ripen, I remain hungry and thirsty there...................or So I will, ................ripen, remain...........there. I shall hoot from the top of it like an own..........ooops! owl? ? Which will grow and touch the sky once................maybe touching to go with climbing a comma after fade out? BUT, despite my nitpicking [ha ha! ], i enjoyed the poem. it, itself, sounds like a dream! bri :) to MyPoemList. nice.