When I Tried To Read Jane Eyre Poem by David Welch

I've gone through some boring times,
they're inevitable in life,
luckily, I can truly say,
that I've never faced real strife.
In fact the only moment
I ever felt great despair,
was as a teen in high school,
when force to read Jane Eyre.

Good lord was the book boring,
so self-important and dull,
even worse with feminist teachers
pounding it into your skull.
I couldn't even finish it,
and I very poorly fared,
an A-student who loved to write,
bored senseless by Jane Eyre.

The other boys did little better,
and it became a running joke,
how it could be used as torture,
more cruel than any blow.
Young men need something heroic,
where good guys go on a tear,
full of vigor, they'll never stop
for the musings of Jane Eyre.

And now, all these years later,
it seems blocked from my brain,
wasn't there a Lowburn school,
or something like that name?
I remember there was Rochester,
and his crazy wife upstairs,
but honestly that's all I recall
of that blasted book Jane Eyre.

Some people proclaim it a classic,
and that folks like me are dolts,
but if that is what a classic is
then please leave me with my pulps!
Perhaps most of these classics
should go and grow a pair,
because I've never been more bored
then when I tried to read Jane Eyre.

…Of course, I'm an adult now. Maybe I'll see something I didn't before. I should try…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….