What Happened? Poem by Lisa AT

What's that banging on the door?
Why am I lying on the floor?
Paramedics thumping hard shouting my name, but I can't move and I'm covered in bloodstains.
How long had I lain here, nothing is making sense? Why can't I feel my legs and why am I in a pool of vomit?
Taken to hospital bruised and battered unable to walk, slurring my words and can barely talk.
What's that lump on my head? Why am I not in my own bed. I'm so confused to what's going on…. I keep hearing the same song over and over….
Concussion, nothing broken but in a mess.
My head and back are in so much pain and I can't feel my legs. Am I paralysed? Was this the price I was going to pay for trying to stop the constant anxiety eating me alive.
I'm suffocating… gripped with panic and fear, there's a constant ringing in my ears.
I was never a drinker and here I was opening the bottle sometimes at 9am just to try and get rid of the pain. I've been here before when I took the cord of my bathrobe and tied it to the door and again was found unconscious on the floor.
Nobody would believe the demons I'm battling as I'm always so ‘put together', little do people know I'm at the end of my tether.
Now all these days without a drink because I'm in too much pain but as soon as I'm better will I be able to refrain?
No… because I don't have the will… just give me a drink or a pill to make me forget, ease my screaming brain and numb this all consuming pain