We Are Not There Yet Comments

Albert, the problem with political poems and poems about social injustice is they too often turn into preaching, and usually preaching to the choir that already agrees with the poet. To me, fresh language and powerful, original images make a good poem. I like the fact you repeat We are not there yet because it shows you have a sense of form, that your words are trying to do more than convey an admirable sentiment. Your best stanza is the penultimate one (see my revision below): instead of bald statement, you use a metaphor that engages the reader's imagination AND delivers the message. You should focus your poetic efforts on imagery, metaphor, surprising diction.. If you're interested, I'll send you a list of good contemporary poets who might guide and inspire you. JC [until] men and women of colour no longer creep but race across even plains We are not there yet

Albert: Structurally sound. Subject focused. Personally, I see all humans as Soul, I'm blind to racial color differences; however, I have no sympathy for the victim mentality no matter which Soul employs it. Look at the Obamas....beautiful people, beautiful Souls. It's unfortunate that the majority of elected Republicans aren't more committed to serving the American public as they are in trying to wrest more from the system thereby serving their own personal greedy ends.

a fantastic assessment of we are not there yet. i hope you will be more satisfied with advances before you die. i have done a little bit for equality, but not a lot. that is the way of the world. one question: is there a reason why you used both of color and of colour? sometimes, since i have british commenwealth friends on ph, i use both humor and humour. thanks for sharing. :) i've sent to MyPoemList.