Friday, February 25, 2005

Way Out West Of Wagga Comments

Rating: 4.4

The train winds west from wagga
Me - sitting sweating from the sun
My swag up on the swaying rack
Now beholden to no-one.
...
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David Keig
COMMENTS
Sandra Osborne 28 February 2005

Your changes helped the flow a whole lot, nice edit.

0 0 Reply
Michael Shepherd 25 February 2005

Great romantic poetry with a railway rhythm. So may I suggest to knock out 'with my' in the third line of the first verse and stick a comma before it, to keep the metre?

0 1 Reply
Sandra Osborne 25 February 2005

Good, could have flowed better, but I loved the subject and the title too.

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