Waves I Never Chose Poem by Joshua Legister

Throbbing pain I can't control
It crashes in waves, gnaws at my gut,
A deep ache triggered by the silence in my head.
What does it mean?
Must I? Will I? Won't I?
Questions scatter, my thoughts fractured by the hurt.
I'm trying to hold onto some sense of self,
But it'll take time to rebuild.
People want things.
They pull me in every direction,
Like wind dragging me where I don't want to go.
It slows me down.
But I'm trying
Trying to shift,
Trying to choose a better way forward.