Waiting On Life To Get Easier Poem by mona martinez

i hate emotional pain,
it something i like to pretend,
is just not there,
i tell myself i'm find,
i can believe a lie,
easier than believing the truth,
it something i want to run from,
when it becomes too much,
life don't seem perfect,
it seems broken,
i want a different life,
one with less pain,
will be heaven,
sleepless nights,
are getting harder,
body tired,
mind just don't want to shut up,
i'm waiting for the time,
all of it gets easier,
it only seem to get harder,
in my eyes,
i'm seeing everything from the beginning,
everything when it first started,
everything was a shock,
i didn't know what was going on,
i didn't know how to numb myself,
so the pain feels 10X worse,
than all the times i 'spaced out'
it what made the pain,
feel like a dream,
what made it manageable,
not frustrating and painful,
all the truth seem to pour out,
faster than i can process,
what is even happening,
i will do anything to not feel it,
i sometimes can't even find the right words,
to share how i feel,
cuz deep down i feel so confuse,
like i'm so broken,
nobody will understand,
why i do the things i do,
to appear as ok,
it my way of coping,
it not always right,
but it gets me by,
until i figure out what to do next,
life not always perfect,
just waiting for it to become earier though.