Waiting For The Mother's Word Poem by Kiran Pillai

Stepped into a holy land in 2011.
Was out of my senses. Out of everything.
Kicked from the world and bruised ego.
I came here silently and sobbing tears.

I remember the tick in my leg
Had no clothes that fit me. I lost
Everything was lost from me. I lost
Myself was lost also. I was just lost.

I had no idea. No future. No present.
A whirlwind in my mind. What is here?
No faith in my spirit. A lot of anger as well.
I stepped so here in 2011. Lost and disgraced.

I was an outcast. No one wanted me.
No one gave me work. No one liked me.
I was over. The mother took a look at me.
She smiled and offered me a seat right here.

I came in. I was still not happy. No money.
No respect, I thought. I was lost. Like anything.
No hope. I wondered where my consciousness went.
I couldn't write. I cannot count. I just am sinking.

Sinking like a ton of bricks. I kept sinking down.
Discovered certain gems on the way down.
Advaita and Spiritual ways of life. Mother ever present.
I kept sinking. But, somehow I was not lost.

Discovered that mind is not a serious one.
Mind can be managed somehow. Keep it real.
Understand who is the master and stay real.
Look inside at who speaks my words. I saw!

I start to see some ideas come alive finally.
I start to see a hope and belief in something.
I start to experience a divinity in whole life.
Again I am here. I am again here at the same gate.

This time, I am offering my whole life here.
I have come to offer my entire life to Mother.
I know the world is just a game. I am not playing.
I play no games. Just waiting for acceptance. Mother!