Utter Nonsense But At Least It Rhymes Poem by WES Vogler

I TRIED VERY HARD TO EXPLAIN
I USED BOTH MIGHT, YES, AND MAIN
I WAS UNDER A VIGOROUS STRAIN
THE RESULT, I STRUGGLED IN VAIN
ACCEPTABLE QUITEIF YOU DEIGN
UPON STARTING, CONSIDERED QUITE SANE
I WAS USING THE BICYCLE LANE
IN A SMART CARRUNNING ON GRAIN
AND, WHAT'S MORE, I WOULD DO IT AGAIN
PLEASE PAUSE NOW.. IT'S STARTING TO DRAIN
ROY ROGERS... TIM HOLT.., GENE AUTRY... JOHN WAYNE
I HAVE NEVER INDULGED IN COCAINE
OR SHOT ANYTHING INTO MY VEIN
ALMOST HALF IN THE RIGHT AND LEFT LANE
I CARRY AT ALL TIMES A SYCAMORE CANE
I'D MENTION KELLY KURT BUT THAT WOULD BE INANE
KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT A VAT? IT LEAVES NO STAIN
WHO DISCONNECTED MY BRAIN?
WHO THE BLAZES IS PUDDIN AND TAIN?
WHEN IN PARIS I JUMPED INTO A RIVER AND WAS DECLARED IN SEINE
CAN YOU RECALL THAT GOOD OLD REFRAIN?
BUCK ROGERS AND WILMA AND OL KILLER KANE
I AM UNABLE TO COME UP WITH A LINE THAT ENDS WITH BANE
LONE RANGER AND TONTO AND MAGNIFICENT SEVEN AND SHANE
GOOD OL LIZZIE... LONG MAY SHE REIGN
WHAT TIME IS THE NEXT CONTINENTAL TRAIN?
IF YOU CAN'T LIFT IT SEARCH FOR A CRANE
A LARGE BLUE BUDGIE IS NIBBLING ON MY WINDOW PANE
DON'T STAND THERE. RATTLE YOUR CHAIN
OOOLA AND ALLEY AND TARZAN AND JANE
BE CAREFUL INTHE BACK ALLEYS OF TULANE
DON'T FALL TO YOUR KNEES.. AVOID THE PAIN

You are hereby invited with alacrity to add to this ambivalence
just so long as you never mention Spain