Unexposed Emotions That Are Held In My Heart Poem by Kellyn, A Grau

When I want to express my self, I find my thought shut out
When I want to speak of my emotions, I feel my heart cut out
So I look out the window, search the sky for the moon
My inspiration on life and how the darkness always finds light
So I sit alone and write down on this paper
The love I wish to expose to you
Yet rejection is a familiar friend with you
One you have bestowed upon my heart
So fear is at an all time high
You didn't expect my proposal on love the first time
So fear holds me back to speak of such words again
Though tears fill the ends of my eyes
Knowing I cannot express how I fell but instead must ignore
When I wish I could tell you how much I love you at my door
Each time we say goodbye how I wish my heart could fly
Yet stuck with in a shattered box and held tight by your rejected chains
So I think back on that day, when it took so much for me to say
How I honestly felt about you, and yet I got the ultimate distraction
At first silence and then followed by cold rejection
I appreciated the honesty but did you have to be so harsh
So now as the days pass on the months
We reach further and further into this little rut
Where my heart wants to tell you how I feel
When you're sitting next to me and I want to whisper to you
How much I love being with you, how much you mean to me
Yet from past mistakes I've learned to ignore my emotions
Ignore my desires to expose my self before you
To tell you I love the way you kiss me
Love the way you feel when you hug me
That every time I hold your hand I get shivers up my spine
That not a day goes by where I don't speak of you
Your in my dreams and in my heart
So I'm the most vulnerable now and I fear more than you
At least I gave my heart to you, in return I get nothing
I get cold silence that fills my mind
The cold door to the darkness pushed before
I don't know how much longer I can keep my self contained
I don't know how much longer I can deal with the shame
Of not being able to speak for my self
Of not being able to tell you everything
And that you make me feel so used, so useless
Unperfected in you're views and that you want me to be her
Why is it I move on and yet your still tied to her
I know you are, you won't love me
There's nothing more I can do maybe its not meant to be
Maybe I've wasted all this time on you
Its not faire, my heart falls in love and I want to be happy
Yet you cant even comprehend the amount of emotions I feel for you
And as I think of this tears fall down my cheeks
My heart hurts because its knows its going to be broken
Yet by your side I stay, until I give up on this sheared
And either confess to you the emotions that are locked away
Or move on to find someone who will accept me and love me in return
Why do I have to be do dedicated to you
Miss you when you don't even care for my feelings
Your selfish and self centered and yet I think for you and only you
This cannot be fair, why can't I find love
Why is it my heart picks the ones who wont love me in return
So I sit back and stair out my window, ignoring my pain
Ignoring the pain in my heart for missing those words
Seeing the love in those eyes, hearing how beautiful I am to him
I'm nothing more but someone placed beside you to take someone else's place
And I think, perhaps.. it should end tonight
Because you will never understand how I feel for you
You can't understand what I cannot explain
And if words can get through to you and actions cant either
Than I'm obviously fighting for a lost cause
And it be best if you left me alone, to hurt once more
To feel the pain of cold rejection once again and become jaded
You'll never understand me unless you lose me
Then will you come back to me, or will you not care?
I wish I could switch hearts with you
So you could feel my emotions for you
And I could finally understand you
Maybe then the pain will finally subside.