Turtleman Comments

Nice poem, but here are some suggested changes you could make to improve on it? JAAT A turtle rarely peeks (it's head out of it's) shell my neurosis (is coming back again) I want to be well It's dawning on me as (I) drive in this (pouring) rain I'm all alone once again... I'm (much like that) turtle who rarely looks out of his shell I don't want to go crazy I want to get well I don't want to find myself (to be) a bore I don't want to be alone (anymore) In the dark of the night when I'm out of your sight And you're dreaming of faceless young men (in your sleep at night) Keep my name in your head Think of words that I've said And our hearts can be (as one) once again A turtle (am I who) creates mellifluous tone (in the night) Should not sit in silence (and) should not be alone (I'm a) wretch with (much) disdain (Here I sat) all alone once again (trapped in the persona of being just like a turtle man.) PS…Turtleman is not a word, so it should have bee hyphenated... You Think