True Story Comments

Laura, please do away with the last stanza and this poem will be great. Don't try preaching. This is a really great poem, that will leave the reader to draw their own thoughts. It is as well that you posted on the forum otherwise I would have missed this. This poem shows a real talent (The title is a little unimaginative) as it has a lovely flow to it, as well as a musicality that seems to be natural as opposed to being forced. For me this is one of the best pieces from a newcomer I have read in a long time and it is a real pleasure. I wish you all the best and hope that you are not offended by my criticism. Just get rid of that stanza, it really ruins it. If you cannot see it now, then take my word, you will sooner or later.

Laura, You're story has been repeated countless times. The white man's god is patterned after their own fear and bigotry. Sadly, colleges today teach people how to make a living but not how to live. Most of my anger left me years ago...what's left are open eyes and compassion. If you have a chance read a few pieces I've written. Sun dance Anasazi Encounter Earth is my Church Land of the free home of the naive Spanish conquest and beyond Ghost Dance Peace, Ray

Oh Laura.... We did all those things! Your anger is that of an honest soul.... Keep writing from the Heart! Rogerx