Thursday, April 7, 2005

Tread Water For Her Comments

Rating: ★2.5

I've got what you want
you told me to bring it
this box here for you
our ship's cargo
...
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Sean Furlong
COMMENTS
Sean Furlong 07 April 2005

thank you both for your comments

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Kelly Allen Vinal 07 April 2005

Seems a bit rushed, but salvageable - great premise

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Solitary Man 07 April 2005

watch for typos (truely) ...I like the Key Largo reference and that line, 'you, with eyes like the ocean'...a simple line, but it works for me. Also, I'm a sucker for free verse and the use of assonance. good job.

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Sean Furlong

Sean Furlong

Los Angeles, California
Sean Furlong
Sean Furlong
Los Angeles, California
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