Monday, April 13, 2009

Too Busy To Notice Comments

Rating: 5.0

While watching the rainfall,
The little birds fled to their nests,
Leaves fell forced by the strong cold wind,
Lighting struck, thunder followed with a loud roar
...
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Brittanie Thornton
COMMENTS
Michael Harmon 29 April 2009

Nice work, Brittanie! (one small suggestion, though: using 'loud' with 'roar' is not necessary) :) Michael

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Tyler Smith 23 April 2009

This is crazy good. Great imagery, it flows really well, and you have some great alliteration in there. You should prolly put a comma here - 'Leaves fell, forced by the'. It would sound better. also, 'strong, cold wind' needs a comma. Great job though, I think that it's amazing. While watching the rainfall, The little birds fled to their nests, Leaves fell-, - forced by the strong-, - cold wind, Lighting struck, -and- thunder followed with a loud roar As the storm came-, - big and glorious-.- Life went on as if nothing ever happened

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SAM Mitsuki 14 April 2009

Wonderful. Life goes on no matter what.

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