Saturday, July 1, 2017

Tinted Windows Comments

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grew up poor in the ghetto,
With little money to my family name.
My father worked plenty of jobs,
My mother did the same.
...
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Craig Mize
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Jefferson Carter 01 July 2017

Craig, I like the concept behind the poem. However, I don't get any sense of the rhythm animating the poem. If this is a formal poem, the meter has to be apparent. For instance, lines 12-13 have little to do with each other, rhythmically. Maybe read lots of good contemporary verse to improve? At the least, read the poem out loud and listen to how it sounds. If you have time, check out my new website: jeffersoncarterverse.com Tell me how you like it, and, if you do, perhaps share it with interested friends? Thanks! Yrs, JC

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Craig Mize

Craig Mize

gainesville GA
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