These Closed Doors Poem by Yaroslav Shtets

*Knock, *Knock - "Who is there? " - asked He,
Who perpetually showed up for me when I was in the midst of nowhere.
"I am a bloke (full of despair) , who waded through those doors behind me not divinely.
But now, when my path is on the verge, should I walk through the last door wisely?
God, please, for once more steer me uprightly."
And He said to me benignly: "I want to hear your story.
What is it that lives in your heart more than fortnightly? "

***

As I looked upon Him in response, all I said, afterwards, came from the bottom of my heart.
It was true. These were my words: "I live with this question and have no reply.
I still don't know what makes me alive.
Are these people's laughter and "keep-promising eyes" that sheepishly lie?
Fleeting moments of joy that are obstinately bright?
Or the dusks that mischievously hide?
I don't know even myself. Am I malignant - or kind?
This life's equation wears me down, so shortly I'll stop trying - that's enough.
The more I think about living as itself, the less desire to keep living I do have.
For I must be the one who asked "Why? " - even when the story's motive seemed to be vivid and right.

***

Now, I wonder, why they did fly; when I attempted to walk - they passed me by.
Why did they cheer, and I was full of screaming?
Why did I fade, and they naturally kept living?
It must be my ending and theirs beginning.

***

But it doesn't matter anymore.
I am old enough and that's my last door.
So, please, let me enter. I don't want to feel intimidating."
But before I thought of stepping to the door, it was Him,
Who looked at me, disclosed that door.
Now, I was silent. Further words He said were axiomatic.
"I don't choose the path - it's you. Wherever you go, I am going with you.
The way you walk is up to you. Whatever you do, I am with you.

***

Do you remember those doors you waded through?
You tripped up on every doorsill you came through.
That's why life has meaning for you.
But the purpose of life itself has no meaning.
It's you, who asks "Why? " when there is a simple way of living.
And don't compare yourself to ones, whose life is blithely beating.
For today, you might be walking and screaming.
But tomorrow, you will be flying and wholeheartedly living."