The Winds Of Winter Poem by Fela Payson

The winds of Winter remind me of what I'm not
I'm not the wind.
I am the leaf that reluctantly gets dragged
The wind cuts through me like a knife
It's a wound that won't heal
A pain only I can feel
I am the leaf crushed beneath the wheel
The wheel of expectations.
Turning, turning, turning
But never leaving
Stranding me head high with stress until I'm heaving
It robbed me of my true feeling
It stole me from myself.
Now I do too much,
I speak too loud,
I am a sinner, for I am proud
Not proud of myself no,
But of how high I've climbed
Not proud of myself at all
Because I've lost all of those who would catch me should I fall
And I know no one would answer my call.
Even if I cry
Scream
Shout
Everyone just blocks me out.
I'm too much for them but never enough
My hair is too wild
My lips aren't pink enough
I'm as loud as a child
My laugh is obnoxious and my hands are too rough.
Add it all together and they cancel each other out.
I am nothing.
the winds of winter blow me around because I'm a drifter
A shape shifter
A two faced bitch to do with what they want
And discarded when they don't.
I'm the forgotten hairtie at the bottom of the pool.
Drowned.
The winds of winter blow me cold as the water clings to my skin
I shiver and quiver in the fear of being forgotten
The hairtie screams
Crying for help
But now all of a sudden my voice is too quiet
Because no one hears me
They hear what they want to
And they don't want me
They don't want me and my stupid laugh
They don't want me and my messy hair
They don't want me and my imposing despair.
They don't want to hear me out
They can't hear me over my hoarse throat
Hoarse from silently screaming
Hoarse from when my skin was peeling.
I tell myself they can't hear me for a reason
Maybe their music is as loud as my laugh
Maybe their rollercoaster is as wild as my hair
Or maybe they're just blocking me out
The winds of winter howl through the door I locked myself into
The winds of winter is my only friend
The only one who doesn't pretend.