The Things I Do Not Say Poem by sydney conteh

That I am scared
Scared of the present
Past
Future
I do not say
That the crippling existential thought of life is easy
It flows smoothly as whisky through my mind

I do not say
That behind my stubbornness
Sometimes stupid stubbornness
Keep me moving forward when my body wants to stop
Sometimes my stubbornness is my saving grace
Sometimes my stubbornness is my inner child
Holding on to my dreams, even when my body can not see them

I do not say thank you enough
Every morning I dislike the person that contorts himself out of bed
I need to thank him more
Thank you for finding the strength to live every day

I do not say
I love you enough to see my reflection in the mirror
Maybe that's why I sometimes I seek attention from others
Maybe that's why I keep trying to fill a hole, that I keep digging
I try filling it with forced words, fished from the mouths of others
But that hole will never be filed unless I say to myself "I love you"

I do not say that I need help
I have beaten myself up so much that my cuts are becoming visible for the world to see
I do not say I am an introvert with an identity crisis
Like being an extrovert is heavenly

I do not say sometimes I duel on my pain
It's easy to duel on pain even if it's gone
But life is pain
The pursuit of happiness can be a pain
Isn't that the paradox of life






So instead of saying these things
I will write it on my skin and show it in my actions
I will only show it to the few
So, though the words may not touch my tongue
As it will burn it
You will see the things I do not say in my skin and actions