The Soldier Comments

Very Well Done. I Must Agree With The Others Though, It Is A Bit Too Long. Try To Minimize The Story, You'll Find The Ryhming Technique To Be Easier With Less. New Poem - Vampire Hunter. Check It Out. (: Fantasy©

Soldiers die doing their bit poets keep going and changing their kit but don't ever lose your own special wit........John

I like it a lot good rhyming and better than what I would do good job

I agree with Michael, but basically your poetry has great promise. Try to keep it more compact, placing the storyline in one place, i.e. 'The Trenches', or 'On the Journey to War', ''The Aftermath' etc., try not to put too many happenings into one poem, jumping about with different events within the poem. Keep it to the point. Also if a word is hard to rhyme with, change it for another saying the same thing and try again, you will probably find a word that fits in better with what you want to say and suits the story. Keep up the good work you have potential. Well done. Love Ernestine XXX

A bit overdone and a stretch to keep to the rhyme scheme. Edit and revise! All his friends died in vein? You mean vain, right? Came back to base with a broken hand? Just so it rhymes with land? Time came to go over the edge? Trench warfare circa WWI? Whilst handling a gun? Why the archaic word? Carrying a gun?