The Gift Of Health - Sanjay Pasari Comments

st.8: I'd use 'tightly' and 'brightly', for more than one reason. AND I KNOW that some simple tweaking of the last line would get rid of the 1st (of 2!) 'embrace's & (in my opinion) leave a MUCH nicer last line. : ) bri 4 stars

stanza 7: As it generally is, your rhyming is fine. I DO question your thinking re your use of 'decree' and 'gratitude'. Whose decree? Gratitude to whom and/or for what?

'Embrace the gift, for health, you'll find.' I like how you worked to get line-ending rhyme by using commas and positioning two phrases differently than one might usually position them in prose or poetry.

st 4 'Unwind your mind, let go of life's chores, Embrace laughter, for it heals the heart, ' I like esp. 'unwind'/'mind' rhyme and 'heals the heart' alliteration. ;)

st.3 line 3: I would replace comma with a period. PERIOD! ! : ) st.4 line 4 I would tweak this line to end with a word rhyming with life; I KNOW one.

(cont.) ... It IS a fine ryhme. On rare occasions I use a non-rhyming word where I can't think of a GOOD rhyming one. I read your bio. : )

stanza 1: 'tussle'? : as a noun: '1: a physical contest or struggle: scuffle 2: an intense argument, controversy, or struggle tussle' Do you, poet, think 'tussle' 'fits' here? I don't. (cont.)