Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Folk Dance Comments

Rating: 5.0

I came to visit you
Your eyes lit up the second you saw me
You ran towards me in a pink fluffy dress
Your arms squeezed around my hips
...
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Diana Poems
COMMENTS
Zoe Smith 26 July 2006

This is a lovely poem but I would suggest you look at your beginning and rather than say you both were so excited twice, instead describe what this looks like and the reader will understand this excitement. It's an opportunity to add more images and it is always best to show rather than tell a reader something in a poem though we all make exceptions. Also, you could add some pictures of your memories of Romania near the end (the same way one would add pictures in an article to let the reader see what you see) . This would sweeten your poem. One tiny other point is you should keep the tense of your poem consistent, so rather than 'can' it should be 'could' since you have adopted past tense. Keep your dance going, it's beautiful

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