If I wait by the well of water,
Then I could stand till the end of time.
For we are passed the age
When maidens go out at evening time to draw water,
...
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Beautiful concept this: - Only today and forever remains for us, And to be a coward is no way to success Either in poetry, in war or in love! This poem of yours is so beautiful and contains so many human sentiments, I know I will read it over and over again. A wonderful effort. Thanks for sharing it.... and thanks for your comment on my poem. I don't seem to be able to get back places where comments made on one's own poetry are seen....
Just read this wonderful poem of yours, the first one posted here. The opening line speaks of the mastery you have over expressions- 'If I wait by the well of water, then I could stand till the end of time'.... There are other exceptionally good expressions too: 'Obscurely I might empty my treasure into her bare hands'... 'And to be a coward is no way to success Either in poetry, in war or in love! '... 'When she calls out to me With peculiar tenderness, Wave-notes of love fall on my ear'... A lovely love poem. Deserves 10/10.
beautiful use of metaphors with a journey from past to present... good ink
I like her man riding on a camel. But I want the poet to avoid dangerous words like love and heart and soul because they are overused in love/beloved poems. I suggest the poet read some prose about relationships in works by James Joyce. He really hits it with his description of Stephen's attraction to the girl in PORTRAIT. Check it out and keep writing.
I read it with smiles on my face....I can feel the mood of your writing.. This is beauuuutiful. I love it
This is a brilliant ODE to a real woman of unreal allure. Yes, a woman's beauty can knock us men down! The beauty summons us, but the woman who embodies it does not. She often remains distant, cool, unattached - which can be maddening. But what can we do except be patient? And write ODES that reveal our admiration and make promises to her. The problem being - a beautiful woman has many admirers and they all praise her and make promises. But your poem is wonderful! You can be proud of the fact that those feelings inside you have been fully articulated and show the depth of your appreciation of feminine beauty.
Thanks Nedu, I feel encouraged. Be assured I have read your that and others by you
Beautiful love poem, well articulated and nicely penned from the heart with conviction. A lovely piece of poetry written in poetic diction. Thanks for sharing. Please read my poem MANDELA - THE IMMORTAL ICON.
A very powerful perspective my friend!