The Dark Of My Remembrances Comments

...i misinterpreted the note to mean it was the story of your childhood i.e. an autobiography of sorts of Lynn. But it is, i now believe, a children's story you are recalling from your boyhood. ok, let me get on with my continuing comment. if i don't eat supper today, i may get this over with. ha ha. ====================================== I had no voice. It lifted me with stern, Unyielding strength and pushed me up the trail.......i believe I had no voice.... means you had no choice! : ( Before I knew, I too was well inside. ...........more nice lines, and i esp. like knew/too in this one. MORE favorite lines: As it had swung wide open, it swung closed. : ( My loneliness had been my childhood's bane. A Shadow of some hidden power touched The very seat of my most inner self. ===================================== this is just a story. RIGHT! ! ? ? ? AND more lines: Together, spinning back through soundless space, Two spirits of the same embrace, two lives Retraced; our childhood intertwined, through grace, Our childhood interlaced............................... ...................and, dear poet, i NOW see rhyming; great rhyming. ......................................................has it been throughout what i've read already? i hadn't noticed. well, MAYBE i noticed the rhyming and the story was so engrossing that the rhyming was ignored by me? ? ? i've now gone backwards a bit and see more! a LOT OF IT! ! ! maybe i WAS too tired last night. and MORE GREAT LINES: He pleaded tearfully that I might see, To love, forgive, to recognize, to care, To know that he is me and I am he. I do, I will! I said with sobbing voice. I do, I will! I said again. .................................and on and on an on they go (great lines, that is) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - about five minutes ago i was thinking to myself: this reminds me now of some great writing of Edgar Allan Poe. i read a collection recently of about 10 of his stories, some new to me, and some probably heard long ago, perhaps some having been dramatized on TV. though i was not thrilled with all of them........[in fact did not care for a few; i also did not like when Poe used a little French without supplying English translations], ......some had the same desperate feeling about them. Bravo! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - so, your mother was NOT so bad after all? : There, I found, Upon the screen of time, an image, yes, A vision of my mother's face. An air Of sadness filled her eyes, as if distress Had overcome her, leaving her to bear The guilt I placed upon her blameless soul. bad boy! ! ! ! but, you WERE just a boy left alone in a spider house. : ( ================================ Lynn, so far, the main [maybe only] 'fault' i've found, but not yet mentioned, is with some of your punctuation or lack of it. but it is such a minor part, of the magnificent WHOLE, that i shall not indicate those spots; perhaps i am even wrong. ha ha. but: Yet, I remember his last words; express His meaning by his gestures; heard him speak....................should/could it be expressing, not express? hmmm? a rhetorical question, my friend. - - - - - - - - - - - - perhaps my FAVORITE OF ALL lines: I opened up the kitchen door and stepped Into my present life, to walk the road Of expectation and belief, accept My childhood's past for what it was and, strode That lonely pathway, through that little strand Of trees and bush that I had dreaded so. ..........................i find strand to indicate land near water. i must try to share this with some special PH friends! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and of course to MyPoemList. oh! already did that yesterday; can't do it twice. darn. i would if i could. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - just a little bit is left to read. ;) :) :) WOW! ! ! these last lines: No harm I guess, to break the news to you but, son, That house burned down in nineteen eighty one.' ........i'm sure this is a trick some other writers have used ........................................................................and you use it so well: the unexpected surprise-spooky ending. the very last line caused a controlled (almost) avalanche of laughter to escape from my throat. finis! so, Lynn, true or not true? you wrote this all by your little self! ? i'm sure you did. i wonder how long it took you. and did someone else help proofread? when did you write this? only answer my queries if you have a mind to. your flowery(?) language has caused me to use queries where i normally would just use questions. that happens here on PH to me sometimes; words work their way out of the recesses of my brain where they have been lying dormant for many years. there i go again! bri :) i VERY MUCH ENJOYED THIS FANTASTIC POEM. thanks.

Yet, by some force, it pulled me constantly, Much like the spawning fish which, swim and churn The river rapids to the primal of Their hatching place...... ......i'd get rid of the comma in the 2nd line, above. and...............pardon me, but the 3rd line ends very strangely (for me anyway) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - as a young man, i got lost in two different wooded areas. one was a small nature preserve, near a large city, but the other was the HUGE Adirondack Park of NY state. but i found my way before TOO long. there WERE trails, but............what can i say? i went off the dang trail, exploring, in the park. at least my brother knew i was not too far (hopefully) away from him. he was waiting at a trailside lean-to. ;) these lines and several immediately following them are VERY nice: Again, I heard that sound, it was a voice, A child's voice calling me, I stood atop An old tree stump to have a better view. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - All foliage expanded with such speed, Away from me, it left me there to swing, Upon a mental thread, in desperate need To find my sense of gravity.................what WERE you smoking? ? ! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The sweat was pouring down, I could not see From where he beckoned me. I burst my bonds, .............i esp. like the see/me rhyme here. - - - - - - - - - - - - - more fine lines [there is no end to them! ]: A sheet Of anger covered me for I had clutched A quacking branch that I had thought was he. But, unless the tree was closely related to ducks, i think you want quaking. hee-hee ;) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - AND: .............clasped within The grasp of disbelief. .... .............. i 'love' clasped/grasp. Sorry, Lynn, it's getting late and i'd better return to this another day. anyway, it will allow me to spread forward my period of enjoyable reading. don't let me get away with NOT returning! to MyPoemList now! and i'll send myself a reminder to return. another poet has offered to have me read his nearly 180 line poem, but this one may have his 'beat'! ! ! bri :)

Memories! Life. It pulled me constantly. Thanks for sharing this poem with us.