*the Dark* Comments

Your written expression is beautiful! Thanks for sharing and time does not heal at our pace but at its own. You are never alone and writing it helps understand it!

Wow, that's very deep. I enjoyed reading. Very descriptive about what's all around you. Allie♥

and I watched the world devour in flames, the only light I saw, were the flames....... destruction n destruction only.... beautiful write dear. i admire ur skill

amazingly wrote and speaks of your pain and problems without sounding whiney and weak, you write very well! ! ! ! ! keep it up! ! !

your poem is very good and reminds me how i felt at one time when i was considering suicide....keep writing. It helps heal the hurts

Great poem. The only problem I find is in the last three lines. They are a little awkward, especially since you are comparing a singular noun to a plural noun using a metaphor. It’s hard to say “The light were flames” because the verb can’t express the connection between a plural and a singular. It’s like says 1=37. It just doesn’t work that way. It’s awkward past that, though. You use the word “flames” twice in the whole poem, and you only spaced them a line apart. It’s like the whole meaning of pronouns. You use them to not sound repetitious and boring, but I see why you didn’t use a pronoun for flames. That would have been even more awkward. I would suggest reworking the last stanza. I’ve also noticed that it is all one sentence, and if you break it up into two sentences, the first two lines being the first sentence, I think it would work a lot better. Then you can play around with the last couple of lines to try and make it sound better. Maybe something like: “I watched the world become devoured by flames, And the only light I saw Came from those flames.” Also I just realized through writing that that you have a problem with the word “devoured”. You see, right now you have the flames as the direct object in that sentence, which means the world should be devouring the flames. The world needs to be the direct object. You can do that by adding an intransitive word, such as “become”. Just try playing around with it, and it will come.

Your words of love and happiness outshine any thoughts of sad and darkness Unfortunately in life we are given both. Just remember love and Happiness will always win and the darkness is there only to test you dear. Even in the darkest place you can always find light even if you can see it straight away. - Stay on the happy side of life my dear it and you have so much to offer. Take care

You did a good job conveying the atmosphere that you intended to convey while avoiding cliche 'emo' script and phrases. It was semi-original, to the say the least, and I only say semi-original because depression - the 'darkness' - is something way overdone these days. My favourite part were the last two lines. Left a vivid image in my mind; a world burning in a darkened perspective. Well done on that.

It's a really 'dark' piece of writing Tyease, lighten up some. Cheers, Jerry

Well done. Just remember, when you feel like you're stuck in the center of a lightless room, there's always a window waiting to be opened. Keep up the good writing!

Tyease, there is another side of life as well which is definitely brighter than this one the dark. Sometimes existance may not be on your fingertips though we all desire and struggle for it. Keep thinking and keep writing. Best Wishes Naseer

Great write Ellie - but you know sometimes you can't see the brightest light, because you see, it's yourself, and you should always remember that. Sincerely Egal..

great job well written

It's very good, and you keep writing you have such a talent. Keep up the good work! ! !

i like it. good job.. but the light does exist and there is goodness in all of us.