The Anxious Kid Poem by Tshielo Nature Otsogile

The sun is setting, and its the birth of the night..
I should be excited but my soul turns and shivers..
My emotional whirl-wind is impossible to hide..
The life in my eyes disappears, dreams seem far fetched and my zeal no longer glitters..
Trying to stand tall on my pool of tears,
But i sink at every heartbeat,
Blurry thoughts as memories dilute what should be real, ..
I can paint a smile on ya face, but my self portraits are the worst..
Can't seem to put up a list where i actually come first..
Self hate got me thinking the greatest hoax is when everyone yells 'ya're the best'..
Um that eaglet that never jumped out of the nest, ..
When finally thrown out, instead of opening wings, i closed my eyes..
Thats how my anxieties started,
Thats how um able to stand aside,
Self-assigned sidelines watching my talents die,
And until ya walk in my burning shoes,
Ya won't understand why um 'a fool',
Why 'i'm the stubborn one, who never wants to give anything a try'..
One foot in and um sure ya'd ask yaself why i never cry..
Truth of the matter is, that fortress long dried..
I've always mistaken my need for help for solitude,
Or maybe i've been left alone so much i became it,
My vibrant body is a mismatch for my torn up soul,
I swear i always run out, ..of the love, energy, the care and tolerance..
But ya'll never know, ya'll never know..
For my refills are when ya're tired of me,
When ya finally wanna be left alone so ya could be..
And thats when my monsters creep out,
Dark thoughts and self-doubt coming out to feed..
When all the skeletons in the closet fall out and finally become free..
And i'll always blame it on coffee when ya ask of my lack of sleep...
I could tell ya, but its a new day, new vibe, ya're now hungry for the cheerful me...
And so i paint ya smile, same paints just different strokes..
Same song and dance, leave the tape on repeat...
I guess ya'll never know how it is to be me,
The anxious kid..