That Girl Comments

Sometimes I'm talking or reading work by an expert and I feel you know more about your poem than I do. But I've read your poem and think it can be developed further. You wrote it and probably still feel blue. I'm sorry you had to gain experience that way. That's life. However first thing I noticed at the start was the same few words over and over again. Rather than do that use what you have as notes and rewrite your poem. Aim to lift the reader. Do that and he'll want to know what happened. Write something like: I need to be that girl with sunflowers in her hair, the one he loves and always will declare his care. Go through the other lines and do that edit. The finished product will be 100% better and make you proud. Keep writing and get your work published.