Terrible Poem Poem by James Sebastiani

Terrible poem

Getting to that time of night, had too much to drink,
Getting to that time of life, had too much to think,

If time were a balance, the good would be outweighed,
By the blackness inside me, my demons tirade,

I yearn for calm, an end to this purgatory,
A happy ending, to an unhappy story,

But the foe i confront, my ongoing enemy,
Is no stranger to me, for it is me,

Every day i do battle, with sword and shield,
Cutting and thrusting, but still i don't yield,

My desire to be happy, is no more, or no less,
Than my willingness to remain, in unhappiness,

To be happy is to be weak, and left defenceless,
Open to attack, left feeling strengthless,

Unhappiness is a safe place, familiarity,
Locked in my sanctuary, where no one can get me,

But what do i do, time is running out?
Sometimes i feel, i just want to scream and shout!

I'm tired of this fighting, i want joy in my life,
But i won't let it embrace me, i wallow in the strife,

Torn, so torn, tired and depleted,
Getting to the point where i'm almost defeated,

Maybe there is no end, to this game of chess,
Moving pieces, an unwinnable game, more or less,

No stalemate, no checkmate, no winner or loser,
Accept the fact, i am my own abuser,

Until finally...it's time, both enemy and ally,
Admit, it's over, neither can win, and just lay down and die.