I have counted
Vigorous regrets -
Ten thousand and one,
Measured them
...
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A very powerful description, almost the whole book 'Crime and Punishment' in a few stanzas. Slightly different situation though. I experienced most of the poem in a chillingly direct way. It's a very universal contemplation of-I think-the 'universal soldier', as one songwriter titled him (and now, her) , and some of the mental/emotional/spiritual effects that can follow upon 'following orders' or even exceeding them in some emotionally sick way. I have to sit with the ending. But you've given me one of the clearest distillations of such a process I've ever read.
Whoa! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Quite Intense... and sad. So much loss.