Tears Of The Unborn Comments

Didn't really work for me. Some of the lines seem out of place or otherwise simply unnecessary. There's also a good deal of conflicts in diction. The measure you can not seizure no matter the pleasure I suppose sound kind of neat as a collection of words. But it doesn't really make sense. I don't mean to discourage you Rich. There's potential in it. I wouldn't spend my time commenting just to poke fun or anything like that. I think this one needs some revisions is all. Keep at it mate, I'm sure you've got many good ones yet to come