While morning sunbeam
Evaporated my dreams
Journey through green
Tea gardens and serene scene
...
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is this about helplessness or pleasure? or simply about life in its ironic and sarcastic form which whether happy or sad ends in an undefined balance.
I believe we should bring back rhyming in poetry. Good attempt at that. Well conceived poem. Good.
It is the irony of fate that one should labour for the pleasure of another one. But one should learn to respect the labourer.
Little tea plucking girl with her sun burnt face Appeared in window sill Looking at my steam struck eyes “Dear poet Wish you were not kissing on my blood and sweat” this is so so sweet - tea plucking girl with her sunburnt face, and you somewhere else find so much joy in her work, her blood and sweat - and that finds meaning in the kiss - fantastic. This gets my 10, and more, i'll read it many many times
Very intense verse, with careful words and it pulls me into the main point quickly. Well done, I enjoyed it very much. thanks for sharing Michael
thank you for sharing, its a good description of Tea plantation and the toils.
I liked the lines: Tea gardens and serene scene. And: 'Dear poet, Wish you were notkissin on my blood and sweat.' I really enjoyed reading this poem. It reminds me one of those Japanese Geisha Gardens while they're drinking tea and feed the fishies. So peaceful. It makes you dream. I'm gonna add this poem on MyFavoritePoemList. Keep penning. B.B.
Dear poet, this is wonderful poem i like the mood, the timing, the words and the spirit of your romantic deep feelings big ten from me 10+++++++++
Dear Poet Picturesque in its conception yet an ambiguity that nags one.Thats what makes it great.Thank you for inviting me to read your poems dear poet.
Dear ABHINAV, Thanks for your invite to read and comment on your poem. Basically I liked its theme and the presentation.Only one point I want to make, in case you are writing a rhyming poem try to maintain the meter count.to maintain the flow of the poem In case of free verse it is not so compulsory. I'll also suggest use of some metaphors to increase the strength of your message. An example for your poem: -'tea-leaves grow under the motherly shadow of rain-tree.'Even the child -labour grows with them (though under compulsion) I' m writing this since due to work, I spent a complete weekend in one Upper Assam tea garden.The girl is not supposed to know you are a poet, so why not use a common word to increase the appeal. This is my suggestion. Take it or toss it.Rated at 9 Rajkumar
a heart-touching write on such a important issue...very empathetic in tone
This is superb for taking the reader to a tea farm, small event, much feelings. Well done.10
“Dear poet Wish you were not kissing on my blood and sweat”...simply wonder awes by tearful queries of tea plucking girl as sweat spews over her brow, most eloquent write,10+++, thanks for sharing
I shudder with the thought of kissing a tea plucking girl at my age. She would certainly give a country boy like me chicken skin..10 to you Ab.