Tanka-1 Comments

The tanka is a form which you have mastered, and I want to write more of these myself. As I read it, you are writing about autumn, a season which you like. It is my favorite season also.

Summer withdrawn Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky Green in every corner My heart comes alive a iovely poen. Thanks for sharimg. 10++++++

i like this, bharati! the last two lovely lines make this about much more than a weather event and make this poem resonate. here in new mexico we have monsoon pattern rains. albuquerque where i live gets nine inches of rain in a good year. so dances to summon rains are common among pueblo peoples and naturally enough, a resident here for more than forty years, i've written several poems on the subject. if you're interested, among them are refresh, o God; fat clouds; huge dark clouds; rain prayer; and snail mornings. all the best to you! glen

Rainy season after hot summer, has always been attractive for the lovers. A beautiful poem nicely penned.

Nature! ! With the muse of life across the sky. Nice work.

The withdrawal of hot summer and advent of wet monsoon enlivens your heart bursting in to emotional greenery......summary of your breath-taking poem.....thanks for sharing..

There is a military aspect in those first three lines! - - - - - Summer withdrawn Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Bharati, that is so subtle that in two words I could see a light blue army withdrawing from a field while troops of marching dark clouds take it over- - - - very fresh image subtly painted- - - Green in every corner Of my heart comes alive- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - summer may withdraw but you've got green ever springing alive in your heart. I think spring does bloom eternal in that heart and soul of yours, Bharati, how else do you always strike your readers as a delicate basket of spring flowers? 10+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Feelings change with changing seasons. When the severity of summer harshness lessens, it certainly has a positive effect on the heart. You have beautifully put the subtle change of weather n feelings in this marvelous piece.10

I think you should drop the OF in the last line, so the last two lines are one unified image, also it gives the effect of a crescendo that despite the seasonal changes of Dark Clouds and summer's end, you can have a lasting summer inside you where all is and will remain green. This is really a blessed state to be in, but you present it in a true Japanese ZEN manner in understated language. One Zen master summed up the discipline this way: BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT: FIRST, MEDITATION, THEN DO LAUNDRY. AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT: FIRST, MEDITATION, THEN DO LAUNDRY. Of course, you are using poetic images instead of prose directions, but your poem displays the same humility, which to my mind fulfills the Japanese nature of a tanka. But Fabrizio is the master of formal aspects of a tanka. If I have a question about I go to him for the answer

Thank ou very much Sri Unnikrishnan and Sri Anil Kumar Panda.I feel honoured when my poem gets such appreciation from your pen.

Hio Bharati, Your poem embraces like a cold shower; all discomfiture of summer vanishes on the first reading. The images of withdrawing summer- summer personified here- and Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky are really exquisite. And Green in every corner Of my heart comes alive - The image of greenever present in every corner of my heart is also very beautiful. marvelous. I loved this poetry. Wonderful write. Congratulations. Ten is nothing before this fantastic potery.

This is beautiful. Rain gives peace to the mind after the scorching summer. Short and sweet..

Awesome imagery and nice feelings....A season to cherish...10+++

Well constructed Tanka Bharati... nicely described the setting in of rainy season... thanks for sharng...