Thursday, September 8, 2016

Tanka-1 Comments

Rating: 4.7

Summer withdrawn
Dark blue Clouds marching
Across the sky
Green in every corner
...
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Bharati Nayak
COMMENTS
Michael Walker 18 August 2019

The tanka is a form which you have mastered, and I want to write more of these myself. As I read it, you are writing about autumn, a season which you like. It is my favorite season also.

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Suratha Kumar Rout 28 January 2018

Summer withdrawn Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky Green in every corner My heart comes alive a iovely poen. Thanks for sharimg. 10++++++

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Glen Kappy 08 June 2017

i like this, bharati! the last two lovely lines make this about much more than a weather event and make this poem resonate. here in new mexico we have monsoon pattern rains. albuquerque where i live gets nine inches of rain in a good year. so dances to summon rains are common among pueblo peoples and naturally enough, a resident here for more than forty years, i've written several poems on the subject. if you're interested, among them are refresh, o God; fat clouds; huge dark clouds; rain prayer; and snail mornings. all the best to you! glen

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Akhtar Jawad 12 November 2016

Rainy season after hot summer, has always been attractive for the lovers. A beautiful poem nicely penned.

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Edward Kofi Louis 02 October 2016

Nature! ! With the muse of life across the sky. Nice work.

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Kishore Kumar Das 29 September 2016

The withdrawal of hot summer and advent of wet monsoon enlivens your heart bursting in to emotional greenery......summary of your breath-taking poem.....thanks for sharing..

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Bharati Nayak 01 October 2016

Thank you so much for your lovely comment.

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Susan Williams 20 September 2016

There is a military aspect in those first three lines! - - - - - Summer withdrawn Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Bharati, that is so subtle that in two words I could see a light blue army withdrawing from a field while troops of marching dark clouds take it over- - - - very fresh image subtly painted- - - Green in every corner Of my heart comes alive- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - summer may withdraw but you've got green ever springing alive in your heart. I think spring does bloom eternal in that heart and soul of yours, Bharati, how else do you always strike your readers as a delicate basket of spring flowers? 10+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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Bharati Nayak 20 September 2016

Thank you dear Susan Williams, I always look forward to your comments every time I post a new poem.You inspire with your lovely words and your angle of observation gives new meaning to poetry that is essential for any stimulating discussion on its beauty.

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Nosheen Irfan 12 September 2016

Feelings change with changing seasons. When the severity of summer harshness lessens, it certainly has a positive effect on the heart. You have beautifully put the subtle change of weather n feelings in this marvelous piece.10

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Bharati Nayak 14 September 2016

Thank you dear Nosheen Irfan for your kind words.Your poems and comments carry lot of wisdom.

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Daniel Brick 11 September 2016

I think you should drop the OF in the last line, so the last two lines are one unified image, also it gives the effect of a crescendo that despite the seasonal changes of Dark Clouds and summer's end, you can have a lasting summer inside you where all is and will remain green. This is really a blessed state to be in, but you present it in a true Japanese ZEN manner in understated language. One Zen master summed up the discipline this way: BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT: FIRST, MEDITATION, THEN DO LAUNDRY. AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT: FIRST, MEDITATION, THEN DO LAUNDRY. Of course, you are using poetic images instead of prose directions, but your poem displays the same humility, which to my mind fulfills the Japanese nature of a tanka. But Fabrizio is the master of formal aspects of a tanka. If I have a question about I go to him for the answer

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Bharati Nayak 14 September 2016

Many thanks for this wonderful comment which throws light on finer nuances of Japanese poetry -Tanka.

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Bharati Nayak 09 September 2016

Thank ou very much Sri Unnikrishnan and Sri Anil Kumar Panda.I feel honoured when my poem gets such appreciation from your pen.

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Unnikrishnan E S 08 September 2016

Hio Bharati, Your poem embraces like a cold shower; all discomfiture of summer vanishes on the first reading. The images of withdrawing summer- summer personified here- and Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky are really exquisite. And Green in every corner Of my heart comes alive - The image of greenever present in every corner of my heart is also very beautiful. marvelous. I loved this poetry. Wonderful write. Congratulations. Ten is nothing before this fantastic potery.

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Anil Kumar Panda 08 September 2016

This is beautiful. Rain gives peace to the mind after the scorching summer. Short and sweet..

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M Asim Nehal 08 September 2016

Awesome imagery and nice feelings....A season to cherish...10+++

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Bharati Nayak 08 September 2016

Thank you very much Mohammed Asim Nehal for your nice comment.It is my first try with Tanka.Your comments much appreciated.

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Sriranji Aratisankar 08 September 2016

Well constructed Tanka Bharati... nicely described the setting in of rainy season... thanks for sharng...

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Bharati Nayak 08 September 2016

A lovely comment comes like the first drop of rain.Thank you very much Sriranji Aratisankar.

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