I'm not the one you long for, that you worship and adore
I'm not the one your heart is crying for
I'm not that pretty sweet young lass that colors all your dreams
I'm not your cute angelic girl next door
...
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Like Allie, I'm reminded of a song, by the opening line, Linda - I think it's one by Doris Day - More? (Another secret!) . Anyhow, it's such a fluid entry line that the reader can't resist. The unusual structure is ideal for the job - form follows function. It's a very interesting declaration Linda! ! You're revealing just enough to make this guy wonder! x jim
Beautiful poem. Well balanced between passion and reality. I find an interesting parrallel with an Indian philosophical method of using a string of negations to arrive at a positive truth. Excellent write.
For some reason this one reminds me of Sinatra's album 'In the Wee small Hours'. There is something very 1950s cool about it. Your words would make excellent lyrics for a jazz ballad. Incidentally, he'd be mad to knock you back! love, Allie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Midnight>>>Like the set-up of this very much...strong silent elocution...have never attempted a 'versus' stucture....You make it work as you do with all your fine pennings... FJR
I'll admit at first on reading this I thought, hmmn, don't like the sort of stereotypical neediness of the 'please love me' woman... then with disappointment (in womanhood, never in your poetry) I realised.... it is a stereotype because it is all too often true, and here it finds rather wonderful, endearing and certainly polished presentation. Well done. t x
often the medicine might just be poison... contained in pretty bottle. oh well, everything is not for everybody. i guess, love wins for me...when someone loooves me... more than i love them.
What IS he waiting for! ! No mincing your words here, Linda...a straight from the gut list of negatives, balanced with straight from the heart positives which are hard to resist. I like it when your muse dances like this :) hugz jack.
Linda, Take a chance on what? It is hard to figure out if you are coming or going ! Although, I have read enough of yours to think, ... maybe that was the point. B.V.A.