Susan Williams Is Not My Wife Poem by Cowboy Ron Williams

A few people have asked me lately
if Susan Williams is my wife.

If those people were very alert,
they would realize that Susan
lives in the state of Washington,
whereas this humble cowboy lives
in the state of Colorado.

Yes, her picture shows her riding
a fine horse, and that alone
might make her a fine wife
for any cowboy, but it just ain't so.

The truth is, ladies, that I am single.
Well, actually, I am a widower, but
that still means that I am available.

I don't want no young woman, no siree.
I get messages all the time from women
who say that they are maybe 22 years old
and saw my profile and were intrigued
and want to correspond with me.

Ha! They are usually from Nigeria or
some other African country. What they
really want is to try to get me involved
in some scheme to cheat me out of my
life's savings. I just delete their messages.

Nope. I want someone closer to my own age.
I know I'm older than most people, so that
will be hard, but if you aren't at least
fifty, don't bother to apply.

Just send your resumes to my agent,
Emilio Maldonado, General Delivery,
Durango, Colorado 81301, and he will
pass on the promising ones to me.

I don't want and can't handle
some twenty-year-old honey.
Find me a ninety-year-old hag
that I can marry for her money!