Still Within Poem by Felix Otiende

*Still within*
Dear beautiful time has flown by
Days have come along
Yet this emptiness within me remains strong
This sorrow in my heart beats with rhythm

I sit staring at your picture
Your beautiful smile and laughter
The glitter in your eyes
The peace in your ever laugh


Do you know?
I remember it all
From the shyness of our first meeting
The tension to please you
The desire for you to only see my best
The awkward introductions
Stealing your number from yoursister's(Daisy)

Memories play along
Yet a bitter smile plays on my lips
The pursuit was great
It was thrilling


Our love story one of a kind
We swore eternity together
Made promises of a beautiful future together
Promised to belong to each other till death and beyond

Eight years of trials
Of test and tempt
Finally there was an us
A beautiful love story for us


Do you know?
Never will a woman exist like you
Harsh negative words they fed you
Bitter shameful stories of me you heard
Yet your love stood like a pillar
Defending our vows
Our marriage

We weren't just one
We were halves of a perfect whole
Four months of beautiful bliss we had
A home full of love and joy
A place for us

Then heavens played a trick on us
Sometimes I ask why
Why did it turn this way
Why would such a killer come after you
You who was so flawless
Who was kind and loving only?

Cancer. Cancer.
Why were you so heartless?
Why did you creep into our perfect imperfect lives?
Why tear us apart?

I had hope
Watching your struggles everyday hurt
Watching your courage to fight held me in place
Watching your hopeful face that tomorrow would be better


I did my best
Prayed all I could
That tomorrow you would be whole
That tomorrow our story would glow
That tomorrow you will beat this enemy
That tomorrow we will go home
Only to hear whispers of the loss

It hurt
It tore me apart
Where would I go without you
What would I be without us
Where's home when you're not there
Who am I without us

For whom did I save this money?
For whom did I book this new home?
The seats and covers?

Suddenly it all felt wrong
I was suffocating
Living yet dead

Darling time has flown by
Yet the wound still remains fresh
It still bleeds the same
The emptiness on my arms
Heavier than the one in my heart

Sometimes I question God
Why do this?
Why leave so much pain behind?
Why take you away at the peak of life?

Love if you see me
Please hold me tight
Walk into my dreams and my world
Give me strength
To live and write a longer story
For only the two of us

_From your beloved, Felix G- to my dearly departed wife_