Still On The Train Platform Comments

Twirling me around like its love, .....................i'm not sure if you want its or it's here. sometimes it's 'safer' to stay on 'the platform'. maybe not as much fun, but..............you know. to MyPoemList bri ;)

A poem of frustration, of desire short-circuited, of sensual hopes in simple pleasures dashed. Actually, your poetic voice in this poem expresses a lot of unexpected sensitivity but it is an undercurrent that doesn't register on a first reading. On a first reading what stands out is both confusion and irritation that what should be so easy - that is, physical delight - can be so complicated. You could evoke mythic parallels and say we don't live in the garden of earthly delights anymore. But that's not even an explanation, just an illustration. You could echo Yeats who wrote EVERYTHING WE DESIRE OVERMUCH IS IMPONDERABLE TO OUR TOUCH - but that's a bummer! Or just acknowledge: sometimes the earth moves according to our desires, sometimes it doesn't. There is no guarantee of even the simplest happiness. Everything I've said here leaves you on that train platform - still waiting.