Sombre, Weeping Rife... Comments

p.s. (ha ha) i don't think " Rife/rife" is in the body of the poem. That's ok, but i'd overlooked that. i think Naila is using this definition of " rife" : " adverb adverb: rife in an unchecked or widespread manner." So, i guess someone was doing a 'heck' of a lot of crying/weeping! ! No, she did NOT mean to type " Sombre, Weeping Rice" ...i don't think. bri :)

8 – Still stanza 9: exclamation: yeah/yeh: nonstandard spelling of yes, representing a pronunciation." I'M ALMOST DONE HERE! ! Naila (i misspelled as " Nails" at first try!) i believe will only be improving her already very good English skills as she keeps on moving in the world of poetry/writing. I understand what she is saying, which i wish i could do with all poems! ! There are some 'minor problem areas' she can work on. to MyPoemList bri :)

7 – Still stanza 9: I think i would break the stanza into two sentences, the 2nd like this: " And never feel alone; these are blessings, mine. Don't be sad, Yah I am all FINE.." BUT i think you mean, not " Yah" , but...." Yeah" or " Yeh" . *** *** " exclamation • noun informal

5 – Unlike Poet Poet, in one of her comments, I DO BELIEVE that ‘teaching’ should be/is allowed in poem comments. I do it in order to be helpful to both the author(s) and her/his readers. Some poets don’t like me “suggesting/critiquing”. If they tell me that I can NOT DO it. ;)

6- stanza 9: generally, if one refers to God, i think one would use " the Almighty/Almighty" i'd type " smiles" always line ...or just " smiles line" , as you already mentioned " always" once. nice way of putting it.

5 – Unlike Poet Poet, in one of her comments, I DO BELIEVE that ‘teaching’ should be/is allowed in poem comments. I do it in order to be helpful to both the author(s) and her/his readers. Some poets don’t like me “suggesting/critiquing”. If they tell me that I can NOT DO it. ;)

4 – Still stanza 7: " an" immortal [with few exceptions [[e.g. sometimes before a word starting with an " h" ]], use " an" before a word starting with a vowel, and use " a" before a word starting with a consonant. vowels are a, e, i, o, & u (and sometimes " y" ;) ] i suggest you search online for rule about " a" and " an" before words starting with " h" ; there is some disagreement about it.

3 - title: Sombre (or Somber) : " oppressively solemn or sober in mood; grave." stanza 6: " Raggy/Ragged" add " s" to wear maybe " , she has no Dear" ? stanza 7: took " her" , not she " with happiness" [typo] 'then" she " my" ! ! ! This IS a surprise! !

2 - stanza 4: " Nothing to think of she, " if you mean: " she has nothing to think of" i'd use a comma also BEFORE " she" . stanza 5: I'd use " an" in front of apple, according to rules i learned 50+ yrs. ago. ;) " About she, her child forgotten, " i think: " About her, her child has [or child's] forgotten" use a comma after " Dying" add " s" to roam

1 - stanza 1: " lick" add " s" i assume " lies" is the verb, not noun, here stanza 2: no " a" " shies" maybe? " (especially of a horse) start suddenly aside in fright at an object, noise, or movement" stanza 3: " curvy bone" ? ? " don" : " a university teacher" i never heard of this def. " she go" add " es" to go

Your poem reminded me, 036.068 If We grant long life to any, We cause him to be reversed in nature: Will they not then understand? Sura Yasin. A fantastic poem on old age.10++++

MY COMMENT PH DID NOT PRINTWHY PH

MY comment PH did not print Will wait then resend again NR

OOOOOO SPL 9/10 PLUS MY VOTE

This is very beautiful sensitive and sympathetic poetry Glad so many read it at least 10 and appreciated I know this forum of PH is not to teach butI wish you could edit a bit some basics you will know as you ask your friends also Or sms me to help edit it you are now on the path of poetic glory..WELL DONE STLL I GIVE U 10 PLUS A VOTE HERE TIS SENT LOVELY PIECE OF POETRY I C Thanks for inviting this oldy

Tears in her eyes, sombre lies, Begging for belly, her heart shies. Dying for love and happiness she tries, Then came a traveler or a immortal, this is resembling the good samaritan story which Jesus told. a very fine poem with so much of philanthropy. thank u dear poetess. Naila Thrown out of her own home, Now, lonely she roam...

Life's journey! ! Growing up! With the muse of love and life. Thanks for sharing.

A really beautiful, sensitive poem.Excellent!

Dear Naila, such a touching poem👍👍👍

Point yourself out in the photo!