Solitude Update Comments
I
I've always felt parted, as from the twin
Since the memory begin - that pain
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The poem is difficult to understand. Are you writing about a woman who refused to have a child because it would make her feel old? I normally like doing a little work, but in this case, the message is hopelessly muddled, camouflaged neatly both on purpose with a cryptic style, but also by fractured sentences and what seems to be a less-than-total mastery of English. That being said, I still suspect your poem is excellent, and only needs a few minor repairs to reach full-bloom. This poem is ingeniously crafted, and I truly enjoyed it. Be proud of it.
Thanks so much for the straight and kind comment. I'm writing about the painful solitude and different possibilities of its cause: loosing sibs as twins or preceding abortions, as likely natural cause for that feeling (II) , but also of ensuing nightmares (III) . All that if recognized, would probably abolish the charge of individual altruism as a suffering variant of the „she“ glorious humanity - likely blossoming from similar personal root (IV) . Part V is just an allegory of that hope as laborius maid. But instead of intended imagery, it got confusing within confines of „less-than-total“ mastery: -) . Sorry for that, I would really welcome any suggestion resolving the muddles.
I see you've many several edits. I don't think the changes hurt it. It's a little easier on the eyes... It's a terrific poem, with lots to digest. It's a bit too much for me, though. I read your explanation of the poem... maybe I can't relate to it because of its esoteric nature...? or maybe I'm just a moron.
Bryan, I'm happy that you nevertheless, value and enjoyed the poem, for that is what really matters. Thanks!
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7/20/2025 4:47:02 PM # 1.0.0
I try to explain two major leaps. First in IV, introducing humanity and altruism - born by idea that deep solitude feel may result from an unrecognized early sib loss, that later evolves into altruistic feel or, spiritually to humanistic attitude. The latter being favoured by society as a valuable cohesive symbol, but often only in words. That's why in V it practice is being compared with hard working maid ready to die, as we are witnessing nowadays.