Sitting On A Hillside Comments
The moon stole shyly over the hills and peered down on the valley below
Silver beams trembled across a pristine lake as a gentle breeze blew slow
Her reflection riding the ripples till leaves could no longer let in light
While the zephyr sang mournfully through the vale rousing dwellers of the night
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ok, i'm reading it! i'm stuck on line three; i think there is a typo (maybe two) here, but i can't decide if it 'should be' riding instead of ridding, or nipples instead of ripples. actually i'm not exactly (but maybe?) following the part about the leaves. are branches overhanging or at least in the way of moonbeams? without sentence-ending punctuation, and with a capital letter beginning EACH line, i sometimes will have trouble deciding when to end a sentence. i see this at lines 5 & 6. Nature's.......i wasn't sure at first if this was indicating 'possession', OR if was the contraction for Nature is; i guess the latter. i reluctantly concede (after some online looking) that doomily is a word. :) ...the moon still smile... i would type smiles or smiled. are YOU smiling, my friend? or am i too rough on ya. i know i have nothing to fear, as you say you are not a warrior, plus we are good PH friends! i liked it. especially: Overwhelmed by the dissonance of unseen creatures vying for a mate and: A splash caught briefly by the moon says a fish fed and a creature died and: The concealed owl hooted her disapproval for her prey had taken fright....(though i at first thought you meant flight.) fright is good. and: unleashed/feast ========================================= nervously fed and always in fear .............. i, respectfully, would kick the and out, replacing it with a comma. i don't think the moon or/nor? the stars pay much attention to me either, though they should! keeping up the rhyme scheme was a challenge i suppose. :) speaking of doom, the last line says a lot. bri :) now into June's showcase. thanks.
riding it is, i am entitled to a few 'senior moments' at my age! ! overhanging branches and the leaves of the lily growing on the side shuts out the light contraction; nature is the moon is still smiling and so am i the 'and' for the metric of course the moon pays attention to you; you talk to the moon11 Remember? thanks Bri, much appreciated! !
ok, bro, first i read the comments (including your humble responses) . the poem must be GREAT, so maybe i won't bother to read it and just put it into the June showcase (on my PH site) , as you offered to let me do. and maybe i'll just send it to MyPoemList, even though i haven't read it yet. oh, Hell, i have not been called to supper yet. i'll read it. bri :)
An amazing poem, a description so nicely presented in beautiful words and lines.
you are a great motivator, gives me reasons to try harder! thank you sir
This is so so good.A picture.A mood.A poem and story that is close to my heart.A portrayal in nature.Just love it.Thank you…Geoffrey.A 10 from me Ioke.
you are so kind Geoffrey, so happy to share it with another nature guy.
Absolutely marvelous. I think this is the best poem you have posted here. I read it over and over and each time was sad when it ended because I wanted the eloquent description to go on and on. A 10
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7/27/2025 5:10:45 PM # 1.0.0
Sometimes your poems full me with sadness and this is one of them. Your words describe nature as it simply is without interference by man.... but there he is... worse than that tiger...your last two lines point to this powerful threat to our beautiful world.