Since Then I Have Been Alone, Lonely Poem by Satheesan Rangorath

since then I have been alone, lonely
she left me, as I watched her helplessly
gesturing bye holding my chest
her soft last breathe blowing with a swish
my hands fomented her chest
eyes closed peacefully

all had gone leaving me to my fate
a high wall of darkness building around me
big boulders of aloofness unfamiliarity
I could not believe she is no more
her finger touched the tea cup not waiting for me

some nights I wept, cursed my fate
days skipped past everyday sparking a memory
some times I dressed in rags
my body sense and clean cloth obsession have vanished
I slept naked unworried about decency
beard grew like a saint
did I hear birds chirp?
I walked like a caged lion in the room
unaware of the time
often meditated past midnight
until a bird found its way to my windowsill

our travel to various countries mementoes
silk scarfs from Paris, a model of the Eiffel Tower she selected for showcase
hot air balloon ride in Cairn
speed boat cruise, in New Zealand and glow worm cave exploration in a rubber dinghy
her long trekking at Tiananmen Square
under the hot sun without her slippers

now I am a yogi in forced exile in our home
I often call out Narayana, louder and louder, but he never answered

I know one day I will return
will I die at dawn when everybody is asleep
Or maybe in a crowd alone
un-noticed un-sung un-wept
maybe!