When it gets to be too much
Whether I know about it or not
I collapse under the weight of my subconscious
Sick with a fever that comes too often
...
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'This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do' (Oscar Wilde, famous possibly apocryphal last words) . Strip the wallpaper as long as you can.
You write beautifully with such ease as you fight against reality as you go deep into your thoughts and feelings to change the darkness of reality into happiness to heal yourself as your sickness helps you get through the fear and emptiness that drains your sensitive and creative spirit. Inspired and powerful write!