Should I Say? Poem by Lauren Mulcahy

We have been close for awhile,
But all he's seen was a smile.
I couldn't dare say my secret,
For fear he might not keep it.

He likes me for who I am,
But does he know that it's all a scam?
I'm not who I appear to be,
I'd say but I don't want him to leave.

He begs for answers in his eyes,
But he doesn't know my desperate cries.
My hate, my disgust, my despise for myself.
Alone in a room, I scream for help.

But when I'm with many, I make a decision.
To put on an act, it's best to stay hidden.
I smile and laugh and put on a show,
I'm scared, I'm terrified for anyone to know.

I pick on myself, I am my own enemy.
I hate my looks, my voice, basically all of me.
The pain brings satisfaction I cannot describe,
But my two worlds, can never collide.

When I'm finally revealed, it's only the start.
I just hope that it doesn't involve my heart.
Should I say it right now? Should I tell him all?
I wonder if he'll still catch me whenever I fall.