Shoplifter Poem by Shaun Cronick

I possess a vast Aladdin's Cave,
Brimming with treasures and finery.
Mostly from Harrods of London,
All stolen! By a gifted thief like me.

It started when I was very young,
For nobody suspects a small child.
All the sweeties within my reach,
Dropped in my pocket as I smiled.

My first crime was deliciously best,
Strolling innocently out the shop.
My pockets bulging with merchandise,
From then on I just couldn't stop.

For I have such a nondescript face,
It's still there to this very day.
No second glance from shop-staff,
A plain face which never does pay.

When I want something I'll steal it,
Items that are drawn to my eye.
And after I've done my 'shopping',
Then it's time to say goodbye.

I always go for alluring products,
Expensive small stuff easy to conceal.
Watches, jewellery and lavish perfume,
All within my grasp destined to steal.

But today it is getter demanding,
Alarms cameras and a store detective.
For they all seem to be everywhere,
Against the amateur's most effective.

But I am the best of the best,
The professional shoplifter of all.
This showy security I simply bypass,
By vast experience on which I call.

I can sense a trap from isles away,
A hidden camera concealed cunningly.
Come behind it and yank out a wire,
Now blinded without any electricity.

Or my own tried and trusted favourite,
Is placing chewing gum over its lens.
By the time security has realised,
I've stolen away with Mont Blanc pens.

My attire adds credence to my disguise,
Cosmopolitan black and mixed grays.
Urban camouflage not scruffy nor posh,
Drawing no attentive doubts to raise.

Perhaps one day I shall retire,
When I do become old, slow and gray.
But I'm still young and it's so easy,
Watching people to look the other way.

I never get bored it's such a thrill,
An adrenaline rush second to none.
Forever a most stimulating challenge,
Leaving a shop knowing that I've won.

I'll never ever sell anything on,
Ebay, Amazon or a blabbermouth fence.
Too many eyes might be searching,
And if caught I have no honest defence.

Perhaps people could lose their jobs,
In the aftermath of my wanton wake.
But I risk losing completely everything,
Incarceration is the chance I take.

So I'll keep my plunder to myself,
Enjoying what my crime's have brought.
And mock the shopkeepers of this land,
By the shoplifter who'll never be caught.